“I feel like I don’t know you”

This week I completely lost track of the days.  I finished school and then I flew to Arizona to spend a week with my fiancé.  I am still here, and let me tell you I could totally get used to this weather.  I might not be retuning, kidding, kidding.

I have talked about being in a long distance relationship before, and I will most definitely talk about it again.  Everything I am about to say may not make sense to you if you are not in a long distance relationship.  And it might not make sense to you because it doesn’t even fully make sense to me, I can’t precisely find the words I am looking for, but I will try.

I always joke around to people saying that I don’t remember what Joe looks like when we are apart.  I didn’t realize just how accurate I was until we spent two and a half months on opposite sides of the country.  I forgot the freckle he has on his ear, or how blue his eyes are.  I forgot just how much he chews his finger nails and how his eyes disappear when he really laughs. I forgot his smell, and what his voice sounds like without being on the phone.  I forgot the smallest things that matter so much to me.  I am someone who is very keen on detail.  If you get a haircut, I notice.  If my mom moves a picture frame, I am going to point it out.  When I saw Joe I had an overwhelming feeling of just how much I had forgotten.

When he picked me up from the airport I was so excited.  The minute we saw each other something felt off.  We both were happy and still in love, it was just weird.  I finally broke down crying (shocker, I know!!) and said  “I feel like I don’t even know you.”

I felt like I had to explain myself and work this feeling out because it was so overwhelming, and I am always dramatic, so I had to really be clear on what I meant.  Now, of course I know my fiancé.  I wouldn’t be marrying him if I didn’t- but spending that much time apart is just a lot.  I miss every little detail of his day, and even some of the big ones.  I don’t know his baseball friends.  I don’t really know what he does for his job.  I have never been to his house that he’s living in in AZ. That is a lot of aspects of his day to day life I don’t know about.  We obviously do our best to keep each other updated but there is only so much you can do when you’re 2,000 miles and 2 time zones apart, only communicating through the phone.

He looked at me like I was crazy at first and then it hit him just like it had hit me.  We lost time.  We lost time to watch each other grow, to make new memories.  We lost time to learn new things about each other.  We had to get comfortable with each other all over again, and its not exactly easy.

The minute we talked about it, and I stopped crying, we were better than we have ever been.  The feeling went away and we started to focus on valuing each second of this week we get to spend together.

I feel like I am consciously trying to focus on exactly what he looks like, and his mannerisms, so when I go home in 3 days they will be etched into my memory.  I know for a fact I will forget them again.  I will keep forgetting details and having this same feeling when we get to see each other after spending so much time apart.  It really is just part of the deal.

Long distance is hard- but it can be done, and Joe and I are now pros.

I have three more days to soak up all the love I can get, so off I go.

Take time this week and learn something new about a loved one.

Love is about growing and growing is about learning.

Have the best Monday everyone!!

 

Stay positive, be grateful xxx

2 thoughts on ““I feel like I don’t know you”

  1. Kelsey says:

    I love this post so much Mary! I can absolutely relate to every word of it. So happy for you and love hearing your words every Monday ❤

    Like

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